Can Self Confidence Be Trained?

"I get so nervous every time she talks to me."

"I like her but I get tongue tied every time I see her."

"I wish I was like him, he is so cool and knows just what to say around girls."

I'm very sure that by the time you are into your teens, you've heard variations of the above lines.

You would also have observed that the brain of some guys just stop functioning when they are within 100m of the girl that they adore. Other guys just breeze through their interaction with girls; so that brings us to this question… can we learn to flirt or is it a talent that you are born with and can never be learnt?

Let's side track a bit to the subject of public speaking and performing on stage. It is said that those who sing and speak very well are gifted. It is a talent that not many of us are born with. While it is true that there are people who are very talented and gifted, the rest of us who are not blessed with the gift can do equally well if we are trained to.

Of late many parents send their toddlers for public speaking and drama classes at a young age. And by the time they start formal schooling, they can speak confidently in public and perform on stage minus the stage fright. This goes to prove that with the right training, we can excel in a certain task.

The primary reasons I feel that many guys fail when it comes to flirting and chatting up the girls that they are attracted to is the fear of the unknown and lack of confidence. They don't know how the girls would react to them. They have no confidence that it would be a positive reaction. Therefore they hesitate and pass out the opportunity to get to know the girl they like.

If you are one of those guys who get tongue tied around women, there's hope yet. You can train yourself to be the cool guy that has a lot of fun talking to women.

Here are some tips on how you can get rid of the jitters:

1) Make it a point to smile and acknowledge girls that you meet on your way to work or in your office every day. It would be great if you'd greet them with a simple hi or good morning. Breaking the ice especially with a stranger helps you get over the initial nervousness. Do this often enough and it becomes a habit and soon, you won't even feel nervous anymore.

2) Volunteer to be in the organizing committee for any event that your company is hosting as that would put you into contact with ladies from different departments. The aim here is to help you to be more comfortable in the presence of women.

3) Visualize yourself talking to the girl that you fancy. Visualization helps because when the interaction actually takes place, it is something that is already familiar to you and it helps to get rid of the nervousness.

4) Do not put the girl that you are interested in on the pedestal. Do not idolize her. When you do that you create unrealistic expectations, thus making her out of reach when in fact she's just like any other ordinary girl that you know.

If you have not come to this realization yet, you have been interacting with women since the day that you were born. You grew up with at least one woman in your life; i.e. your mother. Some have sisters, aunts, grand mothers living under the same roof.

Therefore technically, you should not be nervous when talking to women. Just think of it as if you are talking to your mum or sister. Practice, practice and more practice till it becomes your second nature.

Good Luck!